I have a friendship problem and how to fix it?

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Trà Lê asked 8 years ago

Hello. I need some advice.
For almost 1 years I considered her as my best friend. However, I thought that for her I’m not her best friend. She never opens up when she has a problem.One time, I saw her Instagram posts that she’s thankful to someone for being a good listener. I felt like I’m not there for her since she asked someone to listen on her problems and never told me anything about it. I’m just frustrated since I thought I’m her best friend.
These days, I’m contemplating if she ever considered me as her best friend. I always felt when we are together that she’s not being on her true self. I just wanted her to be comfortable to me just like when she’s with her other friends.
Now, I’m thinking that it’s better if I don’t expect anything from her. Should I consider her as one of my acquaintance and never expect her to disclose her problems?

Nona_me replied 8 years ago

I think that the best solution is to talk to each other and ask her if she really see you like her best friend or not.

Mooni replied 8 years ago

don’t expect anything back from any corner, be happy and love unconditionally

2 Answers

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c3mly113 answered 8 years ago

I agree with mooni. Like you said , your friend didnt share any of her problems to you . Between a good friendship , they have to share and trust each other. Try to talk with her about this issue , if she didnt concern or keep silent . just be happy , its not your fault

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Mante answered 8 years ago

I think it would be best to communicate your feelings and thoughts to her in a non-judgemental way.
Actually, I might be similar to your friend. I have three best friends I’ve known over 20 years and I often don’t open up about my deepest troubles to them. However, to complete strangers I can talk easier about my troubles.
As far as my introspection goes I think it has to do with..

anxiety of not wanting to trouble my best friends (and perhaps scare them away). This is my personality.
not wanting to be perceived unfavourably or weak. This comes from environmental learning, especially from my family environment.

Do not assume your friend does not perceive you her friend. Tell her she can talk to with you about anything, or if she doesn’t want talk that’s fine too. Keep communicating. Be curious about her, her thoughts and feelings. Be gentle and try to relate with her when she opens up. If she doesn’t that’s fine too. Keep in mind that talking about one’s troubles to one other is not a prerequisite for friendship.